


The Slappening

by Zoombow



Category: The Transformers (Cartoon Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Implied Masturbation, M/M, The Great Suffering of Starscream, absolute imbeciles, but not nearly as much as starscream, everyone is stupid, megatron also suffers, this is truly the dumbest thing I’ve ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 14:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21017615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoombow/pseuds/Zoombow
Summary: It was a good day, and Skywarp was a terrible gremlin of a person.This was DIRECTLY inspired by:https://doomspoon888.tumblr.com/post/188305946738/ive-had-this-weird-and-stupid-and-terrible-idea#noteshttps://doomspoon888.tumblr.com/post/188308718113/okay-so-im-the-anon-who-sent-the-ask-about#noteshttps://doomspoon888.tumblr.com/post/188308741208/also-also-one-last-thing-about-the-aft-smacking#notes^^THESE horrendous asks that I sent to Spoon888^^





	The Slappening

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Spoon888](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoon888/gifts).

It had been a very successful day the other day. The Decepticons had actually managed to get a decent amount of energon, and not too many were injured. Anyone who had been injured wasn’t even hurt that bad.

Megatron told them they would still have a normal day the next day, as they should, even after a successful raid, but everyone noticed the considerable lack of work he gave them.

Lack of work meant lack of time used up typing useless reports and practicing battle strategies that usually made them lose. Lack of work meant that there was more time to screw around. More time to screw around meant a lot of hookups, a lot of fun, or a lot of trouble.

Today, it seemed to Thundercracker that Skywarp was going for the ‘lot of trouble’ route.

Skywarp was huddled in a corner, giggling to himself. Truly never a good sign at all. He was doing something to his arms, but Thundercracker didn’t know what. There were jars of familiar red, white, and blue paint surrounding him. Some were spilled all over the floor, some were opened and looked like they’d only been used once and were now going to be neglected forever, and others event even opened yet. Thundercracker noticed sticky notes with ‘DO NOT TOUCH’ written on them. The sticky notes were either on the lids of the jar, or strewn about on the floor. The entire situation wasn’t a good sign.

“Hey, ‘Warp?” Thundercracker questioned cautiously. That only caused Skywarp to laugh harder and pretend terribly not to notice him. “Skywarp, what are you doing with Starscream’s paint? He’ll kill you when he finds out you’ve been using it.”

“Oh, it’s nothing _you_ have to worry about,” Skywarp managed to say through giggles. “I think it’s something Screamer will have to worry about!” That was suspicious.

Thundercracker moved slightly and saw Skywarp painting his arm in the same blue that Starscream’s arms were painted in. Yes, this was definitely suspicious and it was also blatantly obvious of what Skywarp was going to do. He was going to paint himself in Starscream’s colors and wreak some sort of havoc, getting Starscream in trouble.

“Skywarp, what the frag are you doing?” Thundercracker said with the most tired voice he could muster.

“Nothing, I swear!” Skywarp laughed. He didn’t turn away from his corner. He was really determined to not let his trine mate see the obvious.

Thundercracker let out the longest sigh he possibly could. “One of these days, you’re going to get killed for this, and I’ll be hovering over your dead body saying ‘I told you so.’”

Even without being able to see his face, he could tell Skywarp rolled his optics.

~

Everyone was working at their computers and datapads, as they should be. It was a little disappointing. Starscream felt like bullying some unsuspecting Decepticon, but he couldn’t find a justifiable reason to. Nonetheless, he lurked around the room, looking at what everyone was doing, and avoiding his own work.

After realizing that this was one of those days where everyone was actually going to be good, Starscream sat back down in his usual seat with an annoyed huff. It was supposed to be a good day, but he just felt unnecessarily irritated. He usually did. He was also usually happy whenever everyone actually did their damn work, but today he simply despised everyone with a deep passion. 

He hated the loud clacking of the keyboards. He hated the tapping of the datapads. He hated that he was so irritated that he couldn’t focus. He hated that because he couldn’t focus, his hearing became hypersensitive and that it made him listen to everyone’s dumb conversations. He most definitely despised that Soundwave hovered over him from time to time to make sure he wasn’t doing anything suspicious. And he definitely, truly loathed the fact that Megatron was just standing there, reading his datapad, and being alive.

Starscream slumped down in his seat so that most of his frame was under the table and gripped the report in his servo. He heard a little crack. He was about to reel his arm back to throw the datapad at Megatron when the most peculiar thing happened.

A look-alike of him sauntered into the room. He could tell it was Skywarp with the way he was trying horribly to conceal the childish joy on his faceplates with a scowl. This only infuriated Starscream even more. Considering how well done the paint looked to his own, he could tell that Skywarp used his paint.

Starscream straightened in his chair and began to get up to tell Skywarp to frag off and to stop using his paint. Alas, Skywarp was already moving to do whatever stupid prank he was planning to do. Starscream stepped forward but he couldn’t stop the events that happened before him.

Skywarp moved faster. He moved towards Megatron, of all mechs. With that happening, of course this was going to be terrible. Then he did the worst thing ever.

Starscream watched with horror as Skywarp slapped Megatron’s aft. Hard. It was so hard he could hear the clang echo.

With the biggest, dumbest grin on his face, Skywarp ran towards Starscream’s direction, and then teleported out of the room. Was that to make it look even more like he was the one who actually did it? He couldn’t tell. All he knew was he was so angry he could see overheating warnings popping up in his processor.

After the clang, everyone went silent. They all looked around, wide-eyed, from Megatron to Starscream. Megatron’s face was full of shock. He had dropped his datapad, apparently. He turned his head to look at Starscream, looking as though he realized something terrible.

Oh. Oh _no._

He didn’t see Skywarp make his bad attempt to make it look like it was Satrscream who slapped his aft. All he must’ve seen was Skywarp hit his aft, and then he had only heard the sound of footsteps. Megatron thought that he, the real Starscream, had actually been the one to slap him on the aft.

Some stupid Deceptions were already whispering to each other and occasionally glancing at him. Primus damnit. If he didn’t get to kill someone today, he was going to build a bomb and detonate it with him inside.

~

For whatever reason, Megatron hadn’t done anything to him yet. In fact, it seemed more like Megatron was avoiding Starscream, which was odd.

That was also a bad thing because it made his day go by painfully slower than usual. He would prefer to be shouted at than to have to endure everyone glancing at him and whispering to each other every time he passed by.

As Starscream began walking down one of the many, too-purple corridors, holding a datapad in his hand to make it look like he was actually doing something instead of lurking, he heard a conversation from inside one of the doors in the hallway. It sounded like Skywarp’s voice. Starscream gripped the blank datapad in his servo tightly. He pressed his helm against the wall to hear what they were talking about.

“You think Megatron and Starscream are a thing?” Skywarp asked someone incredulously. He seemed genuinely surprised. Starscream knew Skywarp was a terrible actor, which made that very odd.

“Yeah!” A different voice exclaimed. It sounded like Ramjet. Or Thrust. Or Dirge. All of the coneheads sounded pretty much the same. “You weren’t there when we were working! It was so _weird._”

“Starscream slapped Megatron’s aft in front of everyone!” A different conehead stated with much surprise in his voice. When Starscream tightened his grip on the poor, undeserving datapad, he felt a crack form underneath his digits.

“Are you serious?” Skywarp shouted. How could he sound so genuinely surprised? He was the one who hit Megatron in the first place! “Oh Primus, I always thought that they had some kind of little thing going on between them, but I didn’t know they liked it like _that!_”

So much laughter filled the room that Starscream barely heard the datapad shatter in his servo. He really only noticed when some shards dug into his servo after he clenched his fist. He hissed and spat a curse. His processor began sending him warnings that his temperature was rising out of anger again.

With his other servo, he grabbed the wrist of his wounded hand, and began stomping away to seek medical attention.

How could Skywarp actually believe that he and Megatron were together? He started the whole thing! This was probably his goal, if he had one! They even told him about the smacking of Megatron’s aft, which he did! Was everyone here just stupid all of the sudden? Starscream knew Skywarp was an idiot, but this was whole new level of idiocy.

~

After Starscream had gotten his hand bandaged up from an uncomfortable medic, he stormed off to wherever his pedes would take him. Apparently, they took him to where Thundercracker was wandering about uselessly. Finally. A sensible person. He probably saw Skywarp painting himself earlier in the day, too.

“Thundercracker,” Starscream greeted with a less nasty tone than he would with others.

“Oh, Starscream,” Thundercracker responded uncomfortably. Uncomfortably? Whatever for? “Do you, uh, wanna talk about anything? Something that you’ve been keeping a secret or... something?”

What?

“What are you talking about?” Starscream demanded in a much harsher tone. For the love of Primus, if Thundercracker believed Starscream was dating Megatron he was going to break open the windows and let the Earth ocean water flood the base.

“Well, I just wish that you told me about you and Megatron,” Thundercracker mumbled, scratching his head. What the frag. Everyone was stupid. “I mean, me and ‘Warp are your trine mates an all! We’d appreciate it more if you told us about this kind of stuff, and not in such a... sexual, public manner.”

Starscream wanted to defect to the Autobots in this very moment.

He noticed Thundercracker glanced at his bandaged up hand with a constipated look on his face. Did he think that he smacked Megatron’s aft so hard that he broke his servo? Was that why the medic seemed uncomfortable?

“Please tell me that you don’t actually believe me and Megatron are together!” Starscream whined. “I know you probably saw Skywarp painting himself or something earlier! Tell me you’re joking—I’ll actually forgive you this time for joking!”

“What are you talking about?” Thundercracker asked with the most confused expression. “That was you! Don’t try and pin this on ‘Warp! I know he’s a little glitch, but he wouldn’t jeopardize your reputation that bad! I don’t remember seeing him painting himself at all this morning!” He actually sounded genuine. Unbelievable! Skywarp, not jeopardize Starscream’s reputation! Fat chance! He’s tried to do so before!

Starscream spun around on his thrusters and began walking away. “I denounce you as my trine! I despise the both of you!”

~

Starscream didn’t sleep with his trine that night. He didn’t sleep with his trine for the next three nights after that, in fact. He slept in his lab, forcing himself to breathe in the probably toxic chemicals. Maybe, if he got a disease, it would be infectious and he could make everyone suffer.

The other Decepticons were referring to what happened as though it was an event. They called it ‘The Slap’ or ‘The Slappening.’ The next time Starscream heard someone say those words, he was going to punch them in the face.

He hadn’t fully seen Megatron since the slap. If he did see him, Megatron was either just exiting the room or had seen him and ran out in a panic. Starscream found that he wanted to kill his fellow Decepticons more than he did Megatron, now.

Today he had to get more reports. He noticed that many of the reports that had to be sent to him had joked about slapping afts hidden in there. As he stormed down the hall, fuming and reading the reports, he bumped into Soundwave. He grumbled. When he tried to move past him, Soundwave blocked his way.

“You fragging glitch, don’t tell me you believe it too!” Starscream complained to the seemingly unsympathetic Soundwave. “I _really_ thought that at least you had a processor of some sort! If you believe this stupid rumor, I’m going to—!” Soundwave cut him off with a raise of his servo.

“Soundwave: Does not believe the rumors,” he droned. “Starscream: Is overheating from rage.” At those words, Starscream reluctantly turned on his cooling fans. This was the least of his concern at the moment. “Decepticons: Unfocused on work due to rumor. I will work on getting them to behave. I will find security footage on the scene to show them it was Skywarp.”

Starscream breathed a sigh of relief. Even if he had an ally and believer in the one Deception that probably hated him almost as much as Megatron did, it was still worth it. “You’ll never hear me say this again, but thank—“

“Soundwave: Not finished,” Soundwave put his servo on Starscream’s shoulder as though he were lecturing an unruly sparkling. “Megatron: Equally as distressed and not working. Starsceam: Must sort out the situation with him alone.”

Starscream’s eyes widened, and his expression clouded with anger. “I will kill you one day,” he whispered. “Not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day, you will die at my hand.” Soundwave was unmoved. With a cry of frustration, Starscream threw Soundwave’s servo off of his shoulder and stomped off to wherever he was planning to go.

He supposed it would make sense to talk to Megatron, but right now, he was definitely looking for a random Decepticon to take out his anger on.

~

Megatron looked down at the dead Decepticon on the ground that Soundwave led him to. He noticed multiple null ray blasts on the corpse, as well as many claw marks. He could easily tell who committed the murder. Normally, he would punish Starscream for killing one of their own soldiers, but ever since four days ago, he got a weird feeling in his spark chamber when he saw Starscream. 

With the stern stare that Soundwave was giving him, Megatron knew he should send a message to Starsceam anyway. So he did. Soundwave left, leaving Megatron with the dead body.

After ten long minutes of waiting, Megatron finally heard the unmistakable clacking of thrusters on the floor. He felt himself tense up immediately. Why? He didn’t know.

Starscream stood right next to him now. Megatron cleared his vocalizer.

“It seems that you’ve killed someone,” Megatron awkwardly stated. Starscream rolled his optics.

“How do you know it was me?” Starscream sneered. “Or did you see someone else you thought looked like me and instantly made the assumption?”

“What are you rambling about now?” Megatron asked, raising one of his optical ridges.

“Uh, four days ago, maybe?” Starscream exclaimed. Megatron put his hand behind his back, covering up his aft slightly at the statement. “Do you seriously believe that was me? It was Skywarp! He was in my paint! Can you not tell the difference between us, you big, blundering imbecile? He’s taller! Broader! Our noses are different! Our Primus-damned _face-shapes_ are different!”

So Starscream was trying to play innocent on this, wasn’t he? Megatron gestured to his bandaged hand. “Then why don’t you explain that?”

Starscream looked at his injured hand. “This? I crushed a datapad, damnit! You know that I do that! No one can break their hand by hitting someone on the aft! Even if they could, they wouldn’t bandage the it! They’d put the servo in a cast!”

“Do you expect me to believe that you broke a datapad and cut your servo, you _fool?_ I didn’t know that you felt such a way about me, but you could’ve revealed those feelings in a much less mortifying way!” Megatron shouted. Starscream got closer to him. Megatron noticed some steam coming out of Starscream’s head-vents. He felt his own temperature rise, but it didn’t seem to be out of anger. 

“Yes, you fragging aft!” Starscream screeched. How fitting of an insult given the situation. “I expect you to believe that because it wasn’t me! You think I have some sort of thing for you?”

Megatron sighed in irritation and rolled his eyes. He felt too exhausted from the odd stress of four days ago to deal with Starscream’s slag. A part of his processor wanted him to stay, but he ignored it. Megatron turned around and began to walk away and deal with something else. He heard a cry of unadulterated rage from Starscream, but chose not to care.

He probably should’ve cared because Starscream charged at him and punched him directly in the aft. He hit him so hard that he fell over. Megatron could hear Starscream grabbing his punching hand in pain as he pushed himself off the ground.

For some reason, he felt heat pooling in his interface panel. That was certainly not ideal. He stormed off to his quarters to deal with the pressure forming behind his panel.

~

The next day, Starscream’s hand was in a cast. He was scowling so deeply it looked like his expression would never change. Decepticons snickered as they looked at his hand. Both of his hands were injured now.

Megatron’s aft hurt. It received two hard hits in the aft now, and it hurt to walk at times.

Soundwave was talking to Starscream about something, which was extremely odd given that they both despised each other, but given how the last few days have been, nothing should be all too surprising. Soundwave was showing something to Starscream. A terrible grin was forming on Starscream’s face as he looked at what was being shown to him. He then nodded at Soundwave.

Now Soundwave was walking towards Megatron with the same thing in his hand that he showed to Starscream. It was a datapad of darker color than they usually had. Those were the kinds of datapads that they kept security footage on.

~

Starscream felt a bit stupid with the big smile on his face, but he couldn’t help it. He would finally be free of ridicule and Skywarp would get what he deserved. He laughed a little to himself. A few Decepticons glanced at him out of concern, but Starscream didn’t care.

He watched Megatron’s dawning realization as he watched the footage. Soundwave pointed out things and explained them. He watched Megatron’s faceplates fill with color at the embarrassing assumptions he had made.

Seriously! He, Starscream, having feelings for Megatron of all mechs? Preposterous! He would never feel such a way about Megatron! 

Even if he kind of liked punching Megatron’s aft, but that was only because he liked to cause him pain. Even if he thought Megatron’s embarrassment was a little endearing, or if he thought his broad frame was actually a bit attractive, or if he thought his big stupid nose was a little nice. It definitely didn’t matter that he thought Megatron’s face was handsome, or that he liked his rough, commanding voice and his annoyingly stubborn and angry personality...

Oh dear.

Starscream truly had to kill Skywarp now for awakening these unnecessary feelings.

~

After Megatron had shown the Decepticons the footage and ordered them to stop making distracting, untrue rumors, Starscream requested to talk with him privately. Surprisingly, Megatron agreed.

Before Megatron even finished walking towards him, Starscream spoke. “Let me punish Skywarp.” Starscream watched his stern expression twitch in irritation with a little bit of fondness. No. No, no! Not fondness! Annoyance!

“No,” Megatron stated. He watched Starscream’s confident expression falter slightly. “I’ve already given him guard duty and extra work. I’ve considered sending him to the brig, if that makes you any happier.”

“It’s not like he’ll do the work you assign him,” Starscream muttered. Megatron pretended not to hear it. He also pretended not to stare at Starscream’s handsome, overly-expressive face. He then pretended to not think of Starscream’s face in such a manner.

Maybe he would send Skywarp to the brig. He had already awoken the embarrassing attraction to getting his aft hit. He didn’t need Skywarp’s slapping crimes to cause any attraction to Starscream as well.

They stood in silence. 

“You wanted to speak with me about something?” Megatron inquired. “Was that all?”

A smirk formed on Starscream’s face. “You know, after all of that, some of our soldiers still believe the rumor that we’re a couple.”

Megatron sighed. “Yes, I’m quite aware that we have idiots among our ranks.” Starscream moved close to him. Strangely close. Megatron’s breathing hitched slightly. Starscream was wearing the nastiest smirk on his face.

“Would you care to start making some rumors true?” Starscream said in a... _sultry_ tone. Megatron really shouldn’t have found his voice attractive. It was the loudest, screechiest, most terrible voice ever. Yet...

“But of course, I don’t expect you to say yes,” Starscream said in a slightly forlorn voice. He turned around and began to walk, leaving Megatron a little disappointed.

...But he didn’t have to be disappointed if they wanted the same thing.

A grin formed on Megatron’s face as he caught up with Starscream’s stride and hit his aft and heard Starscream’s satisfying shriek of surprise.

**Author's Note:**

> skywarp slapped megatron’s aft so hard it made him horny for starscream.


End file.
